We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
