First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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