i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
