No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
