I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
