i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
