Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
