Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
