Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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