i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
