my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
