its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
