Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
