ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
