My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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