You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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