it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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