I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
