they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
