addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
