Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize