I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
So. Much. Porn.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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