peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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