you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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