He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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