haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
