This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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