One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
