it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
