I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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