11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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