Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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