I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
