she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
