so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
