so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
