You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize