I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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