my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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