i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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