Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
