trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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