just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
