Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
