just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And then he peed in my hair
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
