I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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