Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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