i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
