nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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