My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
