I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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