I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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