I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
