He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My brain says no but my pants say off.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
