another moral hangover. fuck.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
