You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
