he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
