Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
