Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
