she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
