she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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