What did we do last night that was yellow?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize