a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
